Hello readers,
Welcome to the latest edition of CAPTIVATE. Happy Pride Month! If you're new, welcome. Once a month, we bring you one tip to improve your communication skills through the power of persuasion, negotiation and storytelling. We scour the research on psychology, behavioral economics and influence to bring you the most actionable way to increase your impact.
Our Promise - keep it CIA. Concise, Insightful and Actionable!
Today's tip, STRATEGIC MIMICRY!
WHAT IS STRATEGIC MIMICRY?
Have you ever wondered why you are drawn to people that are a lot like you? It's because we're hardwired to be attracted to those who are similar to us. After all, birds of a feather flock together. While you should always stay true to yourself, there are ways you can build rapport faster with those around you.
Strategic Mimicry is the art of subtly mirroring the behavior of others to quickly build a positive vibe. When we see someone mimicking our behavior, it instantly makes us feel like they understand us. Effective mimicry sends a subtle but powerful message - we are alike, you can trust me.
Physical Mimicry
When you're in a conversation, try mirroring their body language. This means matching their posture, gestures, and facial expressions. Don’t copy their every move, that would be a bit creepy.
Try to notice if they are sitting upright and leaning in or more relaxed and leaning back. Do they use a lot of big hand gestures or is their body fairly still? Are they speaking quickly or slowly? Loudly or softly?
Mimicking these subtle cues make you seem similar, and in turn more likable and trusted.
Verbal Mimicry
Every industry has their own jargon or buzzwords. If you work on billboards, you’ll talk about the boards. TV buyers speak of GRPs (gross rating points). People that work in food don’t say texture, they say mouthfeel. (They really do say mouthfeel, we can’t make this stuff up)
Pay attention to the words and phrases the other person is using. Don’t repeat them word for word but try to use similar vocabulary yourself. Speaking their language shows that you're on the same wavelength and understand their point of view making you seem more credible and trustworthy.
Verbal Mirroring
This is so simple that we learned it in grade school. When you answer a question, repeat the words they asked. “How is the weather outside?” – “The weather outside is frightful.” You can also repeat their words back to them as a question; a great discovery technique that builds trust and gets your counterpart to open up.
If they say, “I’m concerned about the measurement limitations”, you can reply with: “Measurement limitations?”
If you hear, “I don’t want to step on their toes with this new project”, respond with: “Step on their toes?”
This can feel awkward at first, but once the other side opens up you’ll see just how effective this can be.
Over the coming month, pick a few conversations to test out the different forms of mimicry. Start with some basic physical mimicry, especially if it is someone you just met or don’t know well. Next, pick an upcoming meeting and spend a few minutes thinking of the types of vocabulary and jargon they use. When the meeting comes, be sure to weave them into the dialogue. Finally, test out verbal mirroring, repeating their own words back to them as a question. Now watch them open up!
Have a great example? Share it and you could be featured in the next Captivate.
WANT TO LEARN MORE? CHECK OUT THESE GREAT RESOURCES:
Elements of Strategic Mimicry are discussed across some of the most influential books on persuasion. If you want to dig deeper on this topic, or you’re just looking for a great book on persuasion consider these:
To Sell is Human by Daniel Pink
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
The Challenger Sale by Mathew Dixon and Brent Adamson
Looking for something a bit shorter? Check out this blog from Columbia University on verbal mimicry, or this post from Strategy Peak on using mirroring as a persuasion tactic.
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We look forward to seeing you for our next edition in June!
Thanks for the great post! I'm attaching an article that discusses the outstanding Work of sociologist Erving Goffman, demonstrating why every action deeply reveals the social norms we live by. It's a long read and a step back showing why we are the way we are. Hope you enjoy.
https://aeon.co/essays/pioneering-sociologist-erving-goffman-saw-magic-in-the-mundane